See You Across the Rainbow Bridge, Sweet Sunny

Our sweet golden retriever passed into immortality day before yesterday at 2:44 pm.  She was almost 16, and had lived her entire life on the Christmas tree farm where my mother has been living for about six years.  She was the dog of Jean, our landlady and my mom's dear friend, who passed away suddenly of cancer on March 12.  It was four months from diagnosis to death.  We had not gotten over the shock.  Jean entrusted the care of Sunny dog and Georgia kitten to my mother.  Sunny had actually been more of my mom's dog for quite awhile, living at our little barn house (Jean lived in the bigger house just a few yards away) and sleeping next to my mom every night. 

She loved to go hiking on the beautiful farm with me.  We would hike hills and hills of Christmas trees - 44 acres.  Even the week before she died, she was running like a puppy.  We knew she was sick though - kidney failure was near, as often happens in old animals.  She was very happy until the day before she died, and the vet agreed it was time to stop her suffering.  We were able to be with her at the end, in a beautiful garden just outside the vet's office.  Socially distancing and wearing masks, of course.  

The loss of someone you love always makes you reflect on mortality.  I've lived here with my mother since July 18 of 2018, when she was in bad shape from a hip replacement and a double knee replacement.  Sunny was my dog too, and my best hiking partner ever.  

When I was younger, I loved getting thinner and wearing size 0 or less.  A child of the seventies who grew up in the Kate Moss 80's, I loved the skinny look.  I never quite got it - too blessed in the, shall we say, chest to get that - but it was great to be tiny.  Today I still like being thin, but I've watched my diet all these years, exercised, and except for a brief period when I got very heavy for me (158 at my highest at 5'2") and got high blood pressure, I've been happy with how I look.

As I've said, now it's about health.  I don't want to have a stroke.  I don't want a knee or hip replacement because I've been carrying around too much weight.  I don't want to look older than I am.  I like looking younger than I am.  But mostly, I don't want to have a stroke like my entire family on my mother's side.  

Sunny, I believe, has gone to be with God and her mother Jean and the long line of farm dogs who lived here before she was even born.  She had a beautiful life of running on her farm, never on a leash (she didn't get the concept of leash, really), being loved, and my mom fed her a lot of chicken, turkey and beef.  She was a particular fan of poultry skin. 

Here is my CR plan for today, in Cronometer, which MR and I remember from when it was brand new, a blessed upgrade from the now unimaginably clunky DWIDIP (Dr. Walford's Interactive Diet Planner.)  I do my calories in advance so I can monitor if I stick to my goals.  

I decided to include my weight, after much deliberation, because I want to see how much I lose at my current calorie goal, with quite a bit of exercise.  My weight goal, I think, is 108, exactly according to MR's formula on the CR website: take 15% off the weight you were in your early twenties without overeating or undereating.  I was also exercising a lot during my early twenties - cardio and weight lifting.  Now I do cardio and yoga and Pilates, some lifting but not much.  I love swimming and hiking, as well as the ever-present treadmill and elliptical.  

My weight looks high, but I continue to wear about a size six.  I have big bones, big shoulders and big... yeah.  Everyone said I looked too thin doing CR, but you have to stop caring what everyone says.  Which is a lot easier at 45 than at 30!