Feeling Thin

At less than a size 0 and approaching the 100 lb mark, I am starting to feel thin.

There is a distinct feeling of losing weight... do the sisters and brothers know what I mean? The feeling that you are burning fat, somewhere between feeling fully fed and feeling that horrible, weak, "I am eating myself" feeling. The feeling of losing weight I find rather pleasurable... but feeling thin is entirely different.

I think I am beginning to adjust my image of myself to my new thinner body. I am still not skinny like the supermodels, and I am just as glad of that. I suppose it will come eventually, but I am in no hurry to get there. I once again thank the gods that I live in a society where the ideal of female beauty is thinness... who would have thought that a girl who is curvy by nature would ever be glad of that?

At the mall, I was thinner than the teenagers working in the clothing stores. Even when I was a teenager, that wasn't the case.

It's funny how I love being thirty, I feel more alive, *younger* than I ever have before. This has been a wild and crazy year, but it makes me reflect again on why I want to live as long as possible.

Shawn Colvin, from "Kill the Messenger" off the Fat City album:

"Sometimes the beauty of life hits like lightening, washing everything clear
And these glimmers of doubt flicker, fade out and disappear."