I Don't Want to Bore You With My Troubles

Line from a great Stevie Wonder song, "Knocks Me Off My Feet." If you're a Stevie Wonder fan (hello, JG) and you haven't listened to it in awhile, go listen to it.

It's the title of this post because as I was listening to it over and over again last night, it made me think about how when I first started this exercise in narcissistic self-indulgence that is the blog, I didn't think much of anyone would ever read it. I mean, the people I'm with every day already know what I eat, and watching me go through rounds of eating the wrong things, finding out I was wrong, changing, and repeating the process couldn't be all that interesting. Judging from the counter and the comments, both on blog and off, lots of folks are reading it! Thanks to all of you who tune in... it makes me happy to know that you're reading me! It sure does give me a sense of accountability. I feel happy on the days when I set a good example, and silly on the days when I don't.

Yesterday was one of those days when I didn't.

It started out reasonably well. I skipped breakfast (I know some out there would say that this was the start of all my troubles, as I obviously became wacko and stupid later in the day) because I knew I would be eating a bigger lunch than usual. I had my office over to my new place for lunch (it takes about five minutes max to get to the new place from the office). I served:

Middle Eastern platter of grape leaves and hummus
Black Bean Soup (my black bean soup recipe is so easy it's almost embarassing)
Bread from Panera Bread Company
Big salad: romaine, red pepper, tomato, celery, cucumber, with assorted dressings (I had the full fat olive oil one... you know the routine.)
VLC brought over her fresh homemade guacamole

Everyone loved the food. I ate: three grape leaves, two small slices of bread with hummus, and one small slice of bread with guacamole, about a half cup of black bean soup, and a big plate of salad. That was a lot of food for me, and a whole lot of bread, so I figured I was done for the day, and would either eat nothing for dinner or steam some veggies.

Kieffer loved the company. He is a very social cat. There was this one really funny moment when a bunch of us were going into the bedroom, into which Kieffer is not allowed, to try to put together the bed. He is good at charging through the door, so I asked VLC to hold him. Keep in mind that Kieffer is a 20 pound cat and not much smaller than VLC herself, with bigger paws. (Search the archives for "cats" and you'll find a really funny discussion on the merits of CR'ing your cat. I don't, not because I don't believe I should, but because I can't stand the howling.) I am actually VLC's supervisor and seven years her senior, and I've noticed that she tends to obey instructions quicky, effectively, and somewhat literally. So she picked up all 20 pounds of gray tabbiness, and four of us disappeared into the bedroom to attack the structural nightmare that is putting together the bed. When I emerged about five minutes later, VLC was walking around, still holding the cat. The cat looked confused, and she looked tired. I suggested that she release the cat, as we had already succeeded in getting through the bedroom door without incident. The whole thing was rather amusing, but maybe you had to be there.

When I got home in the evening (after not sitting in traffic for over an hour! Wow! This is what it's like to be a normal person!) I steamed broccoli, celery and carrots in the steamer pot, then transferred them to the wok where I sizzled them with garlic basil olive oil dressing. I wasn't hungry so I tupperwared them up for eating today. I drank a glass of wine and was so exhausted that when I laid down on the couch I fell asleep.

Woke up at about nine and was starving! So I ate a big heaping plate of fresh vegetables with olive oil dressing and felt great.

Oh, how I wish that were true! CRON provides me with so many opportunities to reflect on my imperfections. That is good for me, I'm sure.

I did not eat a big plate of olive oil covered vegetables! No! I ate three slices of bread! Granted, they were small slices, but still! On the very day when Mary complimented my CR Zen sense and Michael Rae re-re-posted that cat eaten masterpiece, the Albatross! I am in high carb hell!

I had terrible nightmares all night too. Eating late at night frequently does that to me, especially combined with stress.

The good news is that it made me get seriouser (I like that word!) about the Designer Diets for Girls project. I think it will just be easier for me if I have foods that I usually eat that add up to all my everythings. I can diverge from them if I want to, but if I'm hitting the basics, I won't have these weird moments when I freak out on bread. It's really true for me that when I get all my nutrients, I no longer crave the things I used to want. So I need to focus on the ON... what a familliar refrain!

So today here's what I have planned. I'm about to enter it into DWIDP so I'll tell you how it cometh out:

eggwhite scramble

.5 cup grape nuts

really yummy super calcium for 120 cals plain nonfat yogurt thing: 1 cup plain non-fat yogurt, mixed with the juice of half a lemon, a dash of salt, a dash of garlic powder, and one cucumber chopped. It's so yummy! I much prefer it to the sweetened yogurts, and I find savory foods more satisfying than sweet. That's 40% of my calcium RDA! And it is so good. I could eat it everyday... oh yeah, that's the point. might be good with curry, but I'm fresh out

steamed carrots, broccoli, and celery with olive oil dressing (120 cals in the fat, maybe 20 in the veggies? it's a small tupperware.)

Tonight for dinner I'm going to make (I can make dinner at home! I probably won't have to work much past seven or eight tonight ((though in my job/calling, one never knows!)) and then no traffic sitting in!!!): cauliflower and tomatoes steamed with some tomato olive oil dipping sauce I found that is only 200 cals in the entire bottle

I usually make my own sauces and dressings, but since I'm trying to find ways that I can stand to consume olive oil, I'm trying some prepared ones, with the idea of making my own once I find a taste combination that I like and can mimic.

I am also thinking of rotating fruits: like buying seven pieces of fruit and eating one a day. That way I'll get lots of fruit things over the course of the week without having too much in one day. In the past, I used to over indulge on the fruit, which is all well and good when you're the high calorie vegan Priestess of the High Carb Darkness, but not when you're doing CR and occasionally trying to get Zoneish ratios of protein: carb: fat (over the course of the day, not per meal, please, I'm not that good... yet.) Everytime I do my ratios, they come out okay on protein but low on fat, high on carbs. It's so hard to stop thinking of fat as this weird thing I have to take like medicine. At least yesterday, with the hummus, grape leaves, and salad dressing, I got a whole lot of fat. But protein was low, which I think explains the sudden carb craving. I also got some very bad news about a friend being ill, and that kind of thing doesn't usually make me eat (usually the opposite, actually) but it did make me a bit less focused.

Ah, the deep psychological reasons why I ate a piece of bread. This is why I am usually afraid to post to the list. Because I have nothing intelligent to say.

Today had better be better, or else I'm going to have to ground myself again. And no more bread! I think bread is my dragon... it's the thing that seems to jump into my mouth when I'm not looking. I may have to give it up until I get my ratios all fixed and can go off occasionally without going overboard.

At least these mishaps give me added motivation to find the diet that really works for me. And no doubt that will involve lots of obsessing about the deep psychological reasons why I'm afraid of olive oil.

But I don't want to bore you with it.

[Note added later upon re-reading entry: I think the grin in the last line doesn't come off in print. Obviously, if you're reading this, it's because you want to, so you must not be too bored with my endless obsessing about protein and fat. For whatever deep psychological reasons of your own, you like this stuff. So no need for everyone to write to me that you're not bored... that's implied. Just pet me on the head when I eat fat, okay? This stuff is hard for me.]